You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
