Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
