So drunk its hurt
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
