My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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