she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
