It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize