there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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