he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
