i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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