we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
