I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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