I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
