my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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