he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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