I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize