Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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