dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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