now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
