Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
