apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
