you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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