I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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