I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
