she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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