Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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