You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
