Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
