I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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