not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize