you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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