he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
