i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
