She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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