i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
