white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
