i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
