if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
