I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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