I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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