When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A bitchslap is in order.
This toilet bowl is my home.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
