I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
