3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
