I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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