wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
