she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
