so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
