i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
