it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
