ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
