well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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