Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
