did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize