Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
