you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize