Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
