i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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