New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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