I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
