Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
