You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
