? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
