does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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