I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
