Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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