well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
